Bad Romance

I saw the Minstrel when he went too far . . .
I saw the Carnival where he went too far . . .
They don't know me
They don't know me
Yet they care that I stare

I saw the whole thing, I saw the whole thing go down
I saw the making of the nuclear bomb
I don't know them
I don't know them
But frankly I don't care

You did this to yourselves

Break yourselves from all you've wanted
Shed some light on who you are (Turn the lights off)
Find my life in your depressions
Made prescriptions from your highest scriptures
Which one is a copy?
And which one was original?

Another itched . . .
Another itched . . .
And another itched . . .
Yet another itched . . .

The Black Cloud Over Patch Continues to Rain Down on my Persistent Climb

Adri has left the live band. Which puts me at a fork in the road.

I will feverishly search for a new bassist. If this doesn't turn up any results by the end of the Super Bowl on February 7th . . . we're going three piece.

That might be interesting . . .

Breaking My Rule Already

Another light bulb went off in the bathroom just now . . . "On Veins and Nothing" . . . hmmmmmmmm . . .

Fuck Limbo

I have a habit of getting excited easily. I also have a habit of announcing what it is I'm excited about too early in the game. Omiss is one of those things.

I'm sick of Omiss. The way it is . . . it's too complicated, and it wasn't supposed to be that difficult of a project.

I'm thinking about keeping one track, Limbo, since it pretty much covers the gist of Omiss. The rest of Project 2? Let's just say I'm currently looking into topics other than the Limbo of Love for some inspiration. More muses are coming from those areas anyway . . . plus, I think the inspiration for Omiss has subsided in reality for the time being. It's actually made me more calm.

Currently reading Howard Zinn in sort of an observance of his recent death. Maybe I can come up with another "Nebraska" this weekend.

Getting Out of Limbo

I'm hoping to finish the rough draft of Omiss in the next couple of days. I'm also gunning for February 1st to be the first day of the Omiss Sessions. How long it's going to take, I don't know. It was planned to be of a simpler nature than things I've done in the past, but I'm sure there will be obstacles within.

It's really going to rest on my ability to quickly make interesting dynamic electronic drum loops. The rest is pretty simple and DIY.

I had a warm-up session with an old song yesterday and today, a project for my good friend David Nehring. Laying vocals down for a song he and his brother Matt recorded a while back. It was fun getting back into recording after The Lizard People stint in early fall of '09.

Once I find some free time from Omiss, there are also plans to re-record vocals for some reworked Citizens Banned songs, also worked on by Dave. Lots of recording to be had in these wintry months.

A New Beginning

Moved into the new space this weekend. Had our first official rehearsal this afternoon.

I say first OFFICIAL rehearsal only in that it was after a long spout of inactivity. During this time I was figuring out the setup of the band, the space, it was unfocused. Now, it's full speed ahead until we hit the stage. When that will happen exactly I can't say. I CAN say in the spring, though.

Here's a snippet of an intro to Typosgraphy . . .

One Sided Transactions

Rest does not happen in my bedroom. It happens on the living room couch or at Borders.

The splendid thing about Borders is that inspiration tends to be a byproduct of a visit there. Books are read, the mind wanders, coffee is consumed, ideas sprout. I just came up with album art for Omiss (and my first tattoo design, if it sticks), for one. Now, at home, listening to music on Lala.com, I hope to finish the initial rough draft for Omiss. Two songs left.

Omiss, again, deals with the connection one has with those they become smitten with. Is the connection returned or realized by the other? Does it matter? When should it matter?

I read a book entitled "How to Live" by Henry Alford this afternoon. It wasn't a self-help book, a cheesy cash-in for the coffee/tea drinking proverb seeking intellectual. It was a heartfelt insight into seeking answers to a big question: what is wisdom? And do the elderly hold the answer for the rest of us still attempting to start in our wisdom garnering?

Looking up from my reading, I saw a woman that I recognized at a table across from mine. She is a bank teller at the bank I frequent, a manager, if I'm not mistaken. One day she deposited a check for me, and I was a little smitten with her (having just watched "Catch Me If You Can" last night whilst nursing a cold, I find this funny). She was beautiful, still is. She has an interesting walk, seemingly wrought from walking back and forth in the bank and screwing up her calves from the massive high heels she wears with her form fitting slacks. I couldn't tell if it was her or not at first at Borders, but when she got up to get coffee, that walk was the answer I needed.

I wasn't about to go over to talk to her, seeing as though I have no basis of conversation with her, other than "Hey, you work at the bank! You put my check into my account, once! You . . . also . . . walk cool?"

I took this opportunity to inflict some of the basis and feeling behind Omiss to what I was reading, sending my brain into a fury of theory and creativity. A connection was there, but she didn't know it. Maybe there's one on her end, but it's not noticed by me either. I'll assume she thought I looked familiar, but couldn't care less about me.

But to know that you can have an effect on people, people who wouldn't embark on developing a relationship with you, but keeping you in their thoughts anyway. It's a tier below (or maybe above) celebrity fixation. Living and knowing a person without them knowing you.

Omission.

But omitting on your own accord . . . embarking on a relationship might make you want to forget that person in the end. From having a bad relationship, a boring one, a great one but where you hardly think about the person unless you're with them, they're conveniently around, etc. Omiss-ing on your own accord: could it be the best relationship you never knew you could have? If you were okay not being involved with them, then how many of these relationships might you have coexisting at the same time? And which of them do you walk out of that limbo for, killing possibility and finding either rejection or reciprocation?

I guess I'm asking if this is the best relationship, a quasi-Plato style way of thinking about love, or if it's just an important style of relationship that we tend to not think too much about.

Food for thought this Sunday . . . inspiration chasing . . .

Favorable Reactions

Trying to do what I want to do career wise, it's hard to be okay with novelty.

What I mean is, whenever I explain a work or a project, people have one of two reactions. 1) Awesome! 2) They argue my thesis, or what I'm trying to say in that art. These are both favorable reactions, given that they could have none at all, or doing the faux act of "nodding and smiling". "It's cool, yeah." Sure.

I've struck it nicely so far. I've met opposition with my parents regarding "In Hopes to Mend" and the aspect of rape. Rape is a recurring theme in my work, it seems. Well, rape in the most "appropriate" form. I put that in quotations since rape is obviously not appropriate in any form, but at what point does politically incorrect meet up with taste? Projects that seem to be completely disgusting and outlandish in my mind are more met with the former reaction of Awesome! Projects that seem to be safer are met with the latter, full of argument.

Omiss has garnered argument moreso than Necrotica. Necrotica deals with a lust killer, a man keeping an illness under wraps in his head, thrust into a situation where he might lose control of his mental stability and commit murder in real life (I'm trying not to give too much away). Omiss is personal, a true story, about me and my thoughts on certain people in my life. Without telling who the story is about, people still ask questions on what it means. It's obviously about one person, but who it's about I'm not telling. That's for me to know and for you to find out if the cards are right and the stars aligned.

It still surprises me, though, both reactions. I'm the most humble person you're ever going to meet. I take pride in my work, and I love it to death, but it's easily scrapable. Meaning if, for instance, the band doesn't like the song, it's not giving them the willies as other songs might, I might just say "Fuck it, I'll rewrite it. Let's move on to the next thing on the list." But at first, I feel slapped with the argument reaction. I go, "Wait, there's something wrong with this way of thinking? I'm sorry." I can either defend it, or listen to their comments outright and assimilate what they say into the reworked story or project. Again, though, it's shakes me up at first. When people like the work or argue with it, that means it's doing it's job. Making people think and empathize.

That's the goal, and so far I'm meeting that with the recordings and story pitches. I can't speak about the live band yet, but I garner I will be able to once March rolls around. Same goes for the recordings, since they will be released to the public at that time, too. That's the true test of goal preservation and/or rethinking.

The Brainwashed Eyes for CGI

I hate on CGI. I do. I can't stand it. If it's seamless, go for it. Lots of cool green screen overlays and backgrounds have wow'd me (most of television uses green screens for their city backgrounds, since they film on a soundstage or studio backlot). But I think we're brainwashed into thinking CGI is a good thing.

Avatar was fake to me.

The Abyss and Terminator 2 were not.

Am I the only one who was distracted by the CGI in Avatar? Everyone's flaunting the movie as the NEXT BIG THING . . . for what, furthering the suspension of stupidity for believing cartoon characters amidst live action shots? Give me full on computer animation, Pixar, whatever, but I hate blending. It kills it.

Christopher Nolan only used CGI when it was ABSOLUTELY necessary in the Batman resurgence. Everything else was model based. It looked great, despite some obvious computered images. The aforementioned T2 and Abyss . . . they used liquid forms in their computer generated images, and it was fine. The T-1000 was great, since it was minimal. The alien form in Abyss was water based, it looked cool. You can't do convincing modeling with liquid forms without making it look cheesy.

Yeah, Avatar made me cry. Not gonna lie. But Dances with Wolves is better. Just sayin'. Ain't one bit o' CGI going on there. It's more convincing.

Sorry for pooing all over the Avatar craze, but yeah . . . CGI still isn't cutting it for me.

Bukowski Might Have Said This

On my calendar, there's a nice little bunch of blocked off sections of color coded events marked "OMISS WRITING". In this time of no live activity, I've tried my damndest to come up with 3 good songs to record in the next month. Holy Hell, I forgot how much I hated obligatory writing.

You can't rush this sort of thing. All of my songs came to me sporadically, whilst on the bus, doing work at a day job . . . more often than not, while shitting on the toilet. The only song that was forced, like literally forced out of me in an extreme bout of frustration due to booking a hotel room and shacking up by myself for the entire night to write an entire EP's worth of material . . . was "Trachomanic". That was the only time something stuck out of force. The rest came out of the blue.

I've got some good ideas, but they're complicated. I wanted this to be more found instrument based, pots and pans, acoustic, electronic loops, nothing too difficult. I'm currently futzing with a song that has crazy drum loops that change from one section to the next.

How's about we take a break from all this and write when it hits me in the shower? I might just scrap a lot of what I've got for the sake of simplicity. I don't want this to turn into another "Schematics", slaving away for a year in my room. A month at most should be the timetable.

Don't force art. It will turn out shitty. If it has to be forced, set up a strict deadline so that you get creative out of necessity. But it can't be a made up deadline that you make for your own timetable, it has to be something for someone else . . . I can't explain it.

Just cool it, Pete. No pressure.

Moving plans have changed, as well. Solid Gold is moving from the space and forfeiting their keys and cards over to us. We move next week, most likely. We also resume rehearsals next weekend.

This time they won't let up until we have live shows.

She Smiled At Me

She smiled at me today.

I can't call it love, honestly, but there's something there on my end.

I've lost myself in the discombobulation of sex and physicality. I've grown bored of this front. The vaginal walls of "lovers" grow wider with age, stretched with use, and I feel less and less. I'm a loving prostitute, I give you pleasure, but I'm left with the baggage of another checkmark, and a means to get out.

Leave me alone.

I need to know this one before I can touch the ground again. She makes me throw that cursed physical molasses film coating my empathetic heart into the laundry hamper.
I no longer want her as an Omiss. But it could be for the best.

It might be the best for love, but my head won't rest until I act . . .

Karmath the Blog's Residual Effects

In December, near the end of my year long daily journal Karmath the Blog, I used Vic Chesnutt's music to help rein in some of my negative feelings about the holiday season. Thoughts about the emptiness of certain Christmas attributes and how I've lost myself in both positivity and negativity when it comes to seeing my family at this time of the year, etc.

Turns out Vic Chesnutt died on Christmas Day, 2009, after overdosing on muscle relaxants.

Take from that what you will. I call it a negative affirmation, if anything.

Thinking of you, Vic . . .

The Interim

Post-Holidays is a definite drag. You really do start to realize the full extent of the Winter Limbo that will take residence all around you for four proceeding months if you're within the northern part of the States. That foreboding sense of doom and "Oh god . . ."

Today, it caught up to me in full force. Sipping on a beer, looking for a muse through two inspirational heads: Radio and Portis . . . alas, nothing for tonight, except a bit of depression and want for what I'm currently writing about in Project 2. Love and feeling the pressure of what's to come in the next season, both in terms of weather and in Patch. I've battled for a rehearsal space, I'm trying to acquire a lead guitarist. So far, all of my searches and leads in the guitarist department have come up short. It's a small interim, a passage of gloominess, and I'll see the light once I get some time to myself, I suppose. This happens to the best of us.

The interim. I'd like to finish writing Omiss this weekend and finally put the guitarist situation to rest. Thirdly, I need to prepare the new material for Live rehearsals and get ready for the big move to the new space. We'll be bunking up with Solid Gold, quite possibly the most successful local band in the Cities, currently. It should be interesting, to say the least. An electro-pop band mixing with an electro-proggy-grunge outfit. Time will tell . . .

Project 2: Omiss

Quite possibly the first true to life, all me, present day journal-ish musical project I've ever done. No characters here. No extensions.

All me.

And all her.